Weddings can be a joyous, wonderful occasion for families to get together… And they can also be the threshold of hell for families with unhealthy dynamics and toxic relationships. Unfortunately for one teenager, her brother’s upcoming nuptials fall into the latter category, and Reddit is joining her side of the aisle in the showdown she’s having with her mom.
The 16-year-old girl explained her situation on the platform’s “Am I The A**hole” forum, sharing that she and her 23-year-old brother “have never really got along well.” She wrote, “He used to bully me mentally and physically. He even gave me an eating disorder by calling me fat and telling me to lose weight. We still don’t like each other and I haven’t seen him in 2 years.”
AITA for not wanting to go to my brothers wedding?
by u/Fabulous-Rabbit3835 in AmItheAsshole
The teen continued to explain that her brother’s wedding is a month away, and her mom wants her to attend, even though the 16-year-old has an estranged relationship with her sibling. “My mom told me that I should be there to support him on his big day but I don’t wanna go,” she wrote, adding, “My brother didn’t really even invite me, he send an invitation to my parents.”
She elaborated, “My mom called my brother to ask if I’m invited and he said ‘no but i guess she can come if she wants.’” What a darling big brother — he just oozes sibling love, no? Read: He’s a total jacka**.
The original poster (OP) explained that she told her mom she wouldn’t be attending the wedding “because I don’t want to and obviously he doesn’t want me there.” Her mom’s generous, understanding response was that she’s “a bad sister and petty for not going,” which drove her to Reddit to ask if she’s really the a**hole (TA) in the situation.
Reddit’s Response: Unanimous Confusion
Redditors were thoroughly confused by OP’s mom guilt-tripping her, with one user writing, “NTA. He said you are not invited. Why is your mom defending him and calling you petty? What kind of support does your mom think he needs??”
“His response of ‘no, but she can come if she wants’ speaks volumes,” another person replied. “Your mother wants you to go because it makes her feel better to have both of her children present. But you are under no obligation(s) to go, especially given the history between you both and the fact that he could care less if you attend,” they added.
The ‘Golden Child’ Trope At Play
Others speculated whether OP’s brother is “the golden child,” with one user commenting, “It’s pretty clear who the golden child is in your parents’ eyes. My guess is that they are hoping/convinced that you two will get along better in the future and they think that you will regret not going to his wedding. It’s possible, but considering how your brother acts towards you even as an adult, I doubt it.”
Another Redditor agreed, replying, “He himself even said no when asked if you were invited. Why would anyone want to go somewhere that they are not wanted. Your mom needs to respect your stance. How can she say you’re a bad sister when your own brother didn’t even invite you?”
Advice on Setting Boundaries
Beyond validating her feelings, Redditors also encouraged the teen to stick to her boundaries and sever ties with her family once she’s a legal adult if nothing changes.
“It’s unfortunate you are a minor at home with two ‘adults’ who enabled a bully and who now demand you go support him, even though he still doesn’t want you around,” one comment read. The user added, “I hope you can reduce interaction with all three after reaching 18.”
We have to agree — it is totally acceptable, and encouraged even, to avoid interacting with toxic people, even if they’re family. There isn’t a single relationship tie that can justify bullying, gaslighting, manipulation, or any other form of emotional and mental abuse, and we hope OP takes that to heart if her family continues mistreating her.
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