Pregnancy is notoriously tough on your body. Even the most blissful, complication-free pregnancies can make a parent-to-be feel more tired or weaker than usual. That’s why it’s so crucial for partners of pregnant people to be sensitive and empathetic about their SO’s physical limitations. Unfortunately, one pregnant Redditor’s husband learned this lesson the hard way.
User @DefaultChick took the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit for some unbiased opinions on a recent squabble with her husband. TL;DR, she’s pregnant for the first time and beginning to feel physical symptoms that limit her ability to carry out certain chores. Meanwhile, her husband said he’s “really frustrated” she can’t help out around the house like she used to.
This tension came to head recently when @DefaultChick’s husband asked her to take laundry out of the dryer in their basement. “I said no, I didn’t think I could get the laundry up the two flights of stairs, so I was planning to just grab what I needed and leave the rest for later,” she recalled. “He made a comment that he was really frustrated I couldn’t just grab all the laundry so he didn’t have to go all the way downstairs as well.”
For context, @DefaultChick and her husband usually “split household tasks equally.” However, she is currently experiencing pregnancy-related nausea and cramping, which has taken a serious toll on her ability to carry out basic chores. “[It’s] to the point where if I move, I’ll likely throw up,” she explained.
Knowing this, @DefaultChick became defensive when her husband voiced his frustration.
“I got upset and basically told him he didn’t have the right to be frustrated with me for having pregnancy symptoms and not being at 100% anymore,” she recalled. “Also, we share tasks, so it’s not my job to get the laundry in the first place, and there’s no reason he couldn’t have just done it himself anyways.”
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“Am I the AH for telling him he can’t get frustrated at me for this?” she continued. “I don’t want to make him feel like he can’t talk to me about how he’s feeling, and I’m starting to worry I just lashed out because I wasn’t feeling well. At the same time, it’s frustrating to me that he’s fine picking up the slack if I have to work late but hates it if it has to do with pregnancy symptoms.”
AITA Redditors in the comments were quick to assure @DefaultChick that she wasn’t in the AH here. Even though she “lashed out,” her annoyance toward her husband makes sense. His frustration doesn’t change the fact that @DefaultChick is pregnant and worried about overexerting herself when she’s already feeling unwell.
She could have been more gentle with her delivery, sure, but he should have been more considerate of her physical state.
“He can feel frustrated all that he wants. That doesn’t give him a right to take his frustration out on OP,” one commenter opined. “Also, this is the time when he should be picking up more of the slack, not less.”
“It’s your first pregnancy,” someone else chimed in. “If anything, he should be making life as easy as possible for you if you are getting bad symptoms. Nip this in the bud before baby is here.”
As one Redditor observed, there’s a good chance her husband simply doesn’t understand how pregnancy can affect your body. “In that case, some information might help him realize that OP can’t do everything she used to do,” they noted.
Since this tiff was the first of its kind, many Redditors also advised @DefaultChick to sit down with her husband and have an honest conversation about dividing household chores differently for the time being. This would help prepare them for postpartum life, which comes with its own physical challenges for new mothers.
It would also provide a safe space for @DefaultChick and her husband to speak openly about any concerns before they escalate to full-blown fights.
“OP, sit your spouse down and have a talk that he probably needs to do more because you physically cannot do everything you are used to. … You are hurt easier, and that is even without puking when you move,” one Redditor explained. “He needs to know you cannot do everything you are used to, and he needs to cut you some slack. I wish I did this earlier than when I bursted into tears and let it come that far. My relationship barely survived [pregnancy], so I hope yours won’t get that far.”
“Maybe you guys could divvy up chores in a way that lets you work on things that are easier for you to do,” another commenter suggested. “Like, he can haul the laundry up all the stairs since that’s now harder for you to do, and you can cover chores that require limited movement.”
Before you go, read up on these essential products for pregnant people on bedrest:
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